Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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