Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
