Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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