I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
