When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
