someone owes me an orgasm
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
