alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
