So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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