Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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