Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i think im in europe. pls send help
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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