awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
