We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
