Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
