I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
