i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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