I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
