My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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