Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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