those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
