my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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