New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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