I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
