My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
