tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
