Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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