I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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