if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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