Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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