i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
