I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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