I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
