Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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