yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
