Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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