PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
