This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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