I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
