theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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