dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
