You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
