I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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