I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
