You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
