Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
third nipple confirmed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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