You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
