The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
