i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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