Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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