it hurts more in the daytime
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
