For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
